From the Desk of Bipsy Flutterpants:


Omigod, you better make sure no one sees this note.  Rip it up really small when you’re done and don’t let anyone see over your shoulder!

I can’t believe you asked me so loud if I was still a virgin! God, Ginny, you couldn’t wait until lunch break?  I think the whole school heard you.

Anyway, yes I’m still a virgin!  What do you think?   I’ll never change my mind on that, no matter what Jared Nooney says or how much he asks.  I want to be a good wife someday.

So anyway, when he came over I was wearing that skirt you said I should wear, and that shirt too because it was easy to open (hah! – was it!), and you should have seen Jared when I opened the door.   I could tell he liked it because he got a—well, you know—and I said “Let’s have a cookie or something” because, well, he just came in the house, you know?  It seemed funny to start right then. After, he drank milk right from the jug, which I didn’t like because only family does that, but at least he liked the cookies and he seemed happy.

Everything happened in the living room (you wanted to know!) because that way if my mom came home early I would hear the car and we could stop, but she didn’t come home and Jared was kissing my—you know—and I guess it felt okay and everything.  I mean, sometimes they started to feel funny, like they were being tickled, or like it was making me want water (isn’t that so weird?), and I would laugh and he would be like “What?” and I would just say I was thinking of the time he said that thing in Mrs. Harper’s class, remember?  I don’t know what it was but I know we all laughed.

So, like, then he stood up and undid—well (his shoelaces. Not really!)—and he said “What?” and I said “I don’t know” and he said “You did it at Meggie’s party” and I said “I know, but everyone did” and he said “So?” and I guess he was right, it wasn’t so different, except that I wasn’t wearing lipstick or anything and I was the only one in the living room—it wasn’t like there were a bunch of us there to make a pretty rainbow—and I said “That was just a game, though” and he told me it was a really fun game, didn’t I think, and it would be even more fun if we could do it right then.  I didn’t want him to leave or anything, so to make it more fun I got all my mom’s lipstick and wore one color after another and he kept saying “Yeah, I like you” when I asked him, so I guess everything was okay or whatever.

(If you see him in the hall will you tell him I said hi?  I saw him outside this morning but I don’t think he saw me because he just kept walking when I said his name, but you know how I can be quiet, sometimes.)

So after that (omigod if anyone reads this note but you I’ll kill myself) he was like “I think we should”—(you know!)—and I said “I already said no to that, I took an oath” and so then he said we could do it the other way, and I was like, “Ummm” because doesn’t it hurt? And he said “It’s okay, because everybody does it” and then I remembered that Kippy talked about it that one time.  Remember how she said you couldn’t get pregnant from it?  But I was like “I don’t know” because—well, just because!—but he told me it was the best way to show our affection and that no one had to know and that I would still be a virgin.  Omigod, he wanted to show affection!  Isn’t that sweet?  I said “Are you sure it’s an okay way?” and he said “Yeah – it’s not the same” and I guess he was right, and everything, because it’s not the same thing at all if you look at it, so I said “Well, okay, if you’re sure” and he said he was.  Just before, though, I asked him if it was really true that everyone was doing it and he said “Oh yeah – everyone. It’s nothing.”  So we—well, did that—and he didn’t say anything again about doing the other, so yes!  I’m still a virgin.

What about you?  Didn’t Markie come over to your house yesterday?  I know you didn’t do any more than I did, but I want all the details too.  I feel so sorry for all those girls who will be going to their husbands with all that experience they’re supposed to save for marriage.  Like Paula Pebbles!  Everyone knows she’s a slut.  Remember what happened with her and Jared two months ago? At least I know Jared will respect me.

Anyway, write back!



Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. What is this? I’ve never heard of this Bipsy Flutterpants chick, but I sure wish I had back in high school…

  2. Bipsy Flutterpants is a teenager I created who responds to, and reflects, some of the less than admirable elements (and/or tendencies) of our society.

  3. Bipsy has a great future in politics, I think.


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About Kris Tsetsi

Kristen J. Tsetsi is the author of the novels "Pretty Much True..." and "The Year of Dan Palace" and the short fiction collection "20 Short Stories," all published under the name Chris Jane. Website:


Social commentary, Writing


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